Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
