sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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