Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
