im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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