I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
