I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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