Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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