Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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