You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
