dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it's like iHOP with fire
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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