I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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