I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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