He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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