You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
