the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
