I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
