I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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