He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
And then he peed in my hair
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