I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think people are normalizing furries
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
