im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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