He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
