We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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