Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
