Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
