apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
