My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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