Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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