are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
