brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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