I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
