About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
