New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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