Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
