I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
