Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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