she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
