That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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