I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
