Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The Olympian is in my bed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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