i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
