do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
