I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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