my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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