Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
