Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
