You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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