Can i not drive my cunt home
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
