I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
