Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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