Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize