Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
