90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
