he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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