i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
