if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
