Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
