i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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