his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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