You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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