I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
