Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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