he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
