if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
