1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
