do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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