So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
