gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
