nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
