she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
