don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He? As in you personified your dick?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize