there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
