Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
