She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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