I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
