This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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