I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize