Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
