thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
