yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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