Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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