wakey wakey hands off snakey
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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