the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
