This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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